When October Goes...Once Again...

CeCe’s Melancholy Musings

During the early days of November you will find me searching YouTube for Barry Manilow’s “When October Goes.” His melancholy interpretation offers plaintive sighs for October, those golden days of autumn, because when October does go, the cold days of winter settle into short days and dark nights. Manilow’s version is heart-wrenching in its unplugged simplicity, with only him at the piano. He sings of happy children coming home from school under a twilight sky, and as he dreams of a long, lost love, he hides his head to hide those “helpless tears.”

When I dug deeper into the story of “When October Goes,” I discovered the lyrics were part of an unfinished ballad by lyricist Johnny Mercer who wrote “Moon River,” “Days of Wine and Roses,” and the English version of “Autumn Leaves.” After he died, his widow arranged to give some of her husband’s unfinished lyrics to Manilow, hoping he would be able make them into complete songs. Working with the words, he wrote “When October Goes,” which was released as a single in 1984.

“When October Goes” captures my own melancholy, bittersweet feelings that arise during the holiday season. In our family November and December bring birthdays (so many birthdays), along with Thanksgiving and Christmas. This past year brought us both deep grief and grand celebration. Our hearts were broken with the loss of a precious promise. A raucous wedding party began to stitch the wounds, but visible scars remain. The holidays will be difficult for some: ache, loss, disappointment; and joyous for others: presents, gatherings, twinkling colored lights. As my own birthday approaches, I will practice sitting with this wondrous and heartbreaking life, because every high, low, and in-between is the human experience. All of its joy, disappointment, reverence, pain, laughter, and tears contribute to the awe that is my life.

“When October Goes” reminds us it is natural to mourn the passing of seasons, because it parallels the inevitable changes in our lives. Nothing remains the same. Children age. Gray hairs appear. Memories fly away. Babies arrive. Beloved pets die. Names forgotten. Long-gone relatives remembered. Favorite grandparents mourned. Promises broken. Traditions evolve. Life goes on. The magic in a bittersweet, minor key song gives us permission to cry, to embrace sorrow and loss. The tears offer solace, helping us recall all of the feelings. We love and acknowledge how it often hurts, but then breathe in our messy, complicated, beautiful lives.

“When October Goes” (link to Manilow’s version)

“I should be over it now, I know

It doesn’t matter much how old I grow

I hate to see October go.”

~Mercer and Manilow

“Autumn Leaves and When October Goes” by Nancy LaMott (link to a fabulous version of both songs)

MRS. SOAMES: I'd forgotten all about that. My, wasn't life awful-(With a sigh.) and wonderful.

***

EMILY: Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?- I every, every minute?

STAGE MANAGER: No. (Pause.) The saints and poets, maybe-they do some.

Our Town, Act III by Thorton Wilder

The words of poets, playwrights, lyricists, and novelists often illuminate the deepest, darkest parts of our souls. They play with our hearts, make us gasp for air, and demand we pay attention to our awful and wonderful lives.

My latest Substack entry is an edited and revised essay from October of 2021, a mournful tribute to one of my favorite bittersweet songs.