During the early days of November I often listen to Barry Manilow’s “When October Goes.” His melancholy interpretation offers plaintive sighs for October, those golden days of autumn, because when October does go, the cold days of winter settle into short days and dark nights. Manilow’s version is heart-wrenching in its unplugged simplicity, with only him at the piano. He sings of happy children coming home from school under a twilight sky, and as he dreams of a long, lost love, he hides his head to hide those “helpless tears.”
When I dug deeper into the story of “When October Goes,” I discovered the lyrics were part of an unfinished ballad by lyricist Johnny Mercer who wrote “Moon River,” “Days of Wine and Roses,” and the English version of “Autumn Leaves.” After he died, his widow arranged to give some of her husband’s unfinished lyrics to Manilow, hoping he would be able make them into complete songs. Working with the words, he wrote “When October Goes,” which was released as a single in 1984.
“When October Goes” captures my own melancholy, bittersweet feelings that arise during the holiday season. In our family November and December bring birthdays (so many birthdays), along with Thanksgiving and Christmas. This past year brought us struggle and celebration. After a difficult December of packing up our mother’s home and moving her into an assisted living facility, we now know she is safe and cared for by compassionate professionals. In June and July we welcomed two new humans to our family, Sawyer Jane and Charles John. Both are miracles. We have been witness to our friends’ great joys, but also their deep grief. Our soft hearts, though, are still smiling and weeping and beating. Oh, this human condition of ours…
The holidays will be difficult for some: ache, loss, disappointment; and joyous for others: presents, gatherings, twinkling colored lights. As my own birthday approaches, I will practice sitting with this wondrous and heartbreaking life, because every high, low, and in-between is the human experience. All of its joy, disappointment, reverence, pain, laughter, and tears contribute to the awe that is my life.
“When October Goes” reminds us it is natural to mourn the passing of seasons, because it parallels the inevitable changes in our lives. Nothing remains the same. Gray hairs appear. Memories fly away. Babies arrive. Beloved people die. Names forgotten. Long-gone relatives remembered. Promises broken. Traditions evolve. Life goes on. The magic in a bittersweet, minor key song gives us permission to cry, to embrace sorrow and loss. The tears offer solace, helping us recall all of the feelings. We love and acknowledge how it often hurts, but then breathe in our messy, complicated, beautiful lives.
MRS. SOAMES: I'd forgotten all about that. My, wasn't life awful-(With a sigh.) and wonderful.
***
EMILY:
Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it?- I mean every, every minute?
STAGE MANAGER:
No.
(Pause.)
The saints and poets, maybe-they do some.
Our Town, Act III
~Thorton Wilder
(Click on the links to hear the songs.)
“When October Goes” (link to Manilow’s version)
“I should be over it now, I know
It doesn’t matter much how old I grow
I hate to see October go.”
~Mercer and Manilow
"Autumn Leaves and When October Goes" (link to a fabulous version of both songs)
“Since you went away
The days grow long
And soon I’ll hear
Old winter’s songs
But I’ll miss you most of all, my darling
When the autumn leaves
Start to fall”
Written by Johnny Mercer, Joseph Kosma, Jacques Andre Marie Prevert
The words of poets, playwrights, lyricists, and novelists often illuminate the deepest, darkest parts of our souls. They play with our hearts, make us gasp for air, and demand we pay attention to our awful and wonderful lives.
(This is an edited piece I wrote a few years ago. After this past week, I felt the aching need to revisit it.)
Loved this one! It reflects my moods so perfectly!