The In Between of Hellos & Goodbyes

Life Things

“Mama whispered softly
’Time will ease your pain
Life's about changin'
Nothin' ever stays the same’

And she said, "How can I help you
To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry
Come let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye’ "

“How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?” Artist: Patty Loveless, Songwriters: Karen Taylor-Good / Burton Collins

I spent the past few days with my younger son, a wanderering old soul of 31. Next week he is off to Italy to be with his love. He’s figuring out the complicated, frustrating, and winding road of the visa system so he can live there full time.

Did I plan for him to live across an ocean? No, but I also knew both he and his brother wouldn’t live next door. They were bound for different shores, one blocks away from the Pacific Ocean and the other near the Mediterranean Sea. My mama heart is proud of their adventuresome spirits, yet it also aches with goodbyes.

I must be content with texts, phone calls, and FaceTimes instead of Sunday night dinners; booking flights and hotels instead of having coffee at our kitchen table; and seeing our grandson grow through photos sent to our Aura frame instead of experiencing the milestones in person.

It is not an easy journey, but many of us travel it. Our children have chosen to live lives elsewhere, their homes often in different time zones. We are grateful for technology. Years ago, parents had to be content with letters or long-distance phone calls on Sunday nights when rates were cheap. Now we can contact one another instantly, see smiles and sing to their children, yet acknowledge it is difficult to be apart.

Their journeys are not our journeys. Their paths are not our paths. Yes, we are connected, family forever despite the miles, but often we feel as though we are living in goodbyes. Hugs at cars and airports. Love you’s at the end of conversations. Waves through screens. “Bye. Text me when you get home. Call me soon. Send a picture. Let’s schedule another FaceTime. Bye.” Another hug or farewell and they’re gone.

Yesterday as I was driving my son back to his place, Patty Loveless’s “How Can I Help You Say Goodbye?” came on the radio. Tears fell. Damn the timing of this gorgeous, heart wrenching song. Jack just sat next to me, understanding. We had a moment before I pulled onto his street. We hugged goodbye, and then I cried more as I drove away.

Later he sent a sweet text, letting me know he loved me. Halfway through my six hour drive home, a few photos popped up of our California grandson on his mountain/beach vacation. Those are the gifts we receive, even if everything seems hard. We hold onto moments in between hellos and goodbyes. Glimmers among heartache. Joys we hold close. Glimpses of our love.

All help us say goodbye.

Life things.

(I am also on a journey, one to reboot my writing muscle, a goal to write a minimum of five days a week, even if it is just a few sentences. I am excited to see what transpires. Join me on the trip?)

Life Things is a reader-supported publication and will always be free to all who wish to read my rambling words. I also am honored and humbled if you monetarily support my writing. Thank you.

I dare you to listen to this song without dissolving into a blubbering fool.