My Regrets: Lessons on Living
CeCe’s Musings: A Book Reflection
A Book Reflection
“A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.” ~ Charles Baudelaire
A book reflection is not a review. It is an examination of emotions bubbling up while reading. It is a look back on its impact. Do I underline or highlight as I read? Does it touch my heart? Why will I recommend it to others? What is it about this book that makes me want to write about it? Does the book breathe life into my soul? Or, as Charles Baudelaire so eloquently phrased, how is it a garden, an orchard, company, a multitude of counselors?
Premise:
Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library begins with Nora Seed, a woman in her thirties who is depressed with life. Her cat has died, she’s lost contact with her brother, and her job at the music store is a dead end. Nora has lost hope, but after she attempts to give up, she finds herself in some type of staging area with the librarian she knew as a child. Nora begins a journey, or a series of journeys, living out different regrets from her former life. Should she have stuck with swimming? What about the band with her brother? Perhaps she should have moved to Australia with her friend Izzy? Or her dream of becoming a glaciologist? Mrs. Elm may be the librarian, but Nora discovers she was never a pawn in her own life.
Reflections:
We all have regrets. I know mine could fill a book, just like The Book of Regrets in The Midnight Library. Often regrets morph into questions we ask ourselves. What if I had done this instead of that? What would have happened if I had decided to stay home rather than go to that bar with a friend? What would my life be like if I had not changed majors or transferred to another college? Should I have stayed in Dallas instead of moving to Chicago? What if I had never left my first husband? What if I had stayed at one school district instead of taking the job offer from another? So many questions, yet are they regrets? I think not, because I would defend all of my major choices as though they were PhD dissertations from Harvard. Every one of them led me to this place I am now, which at the moment is pretty damn lovely.
My biggest regrets, though, are not the huge life decisions. Instead, they are the little things I’ve said or done to others that have hurt them. These tug at my heart. Could I redo these moments? Would it make things better? Are apologies enough? How do I change so it never happens again?
We humans are flawed. It’s in the manual. I am scarred, broken, and covered in Barbie bandaids. I judge. I talk too much and don’t listen enough. I often think I know best. I’m unkind. I cuss all the time. (Is this a flaw? It’s debatable.) What do I do with this shambles of bones and blood and bad decisions?
No one is perfect. Not one freaking one of us. We stumble through dark hallways, tripping on dirty rugs and loose floorboards. We make wrong turns and run into dead ends, but yet…yet, there are times when we discover moments that are so beautiful we can’t breathe. This is what we live for, we humans, despite the grudges we hold and the anger we harbor.
I acknowledge life is a muddle for most of us. Even when we know better, we trip over ourselves, saying and doing harmful things. Many have estrangements that tear at our souls. Is it our fault? Blame is tossed back and forth like an ugly white elephant present, yet often the best thing to do is accept our part in all of it, try to make amends, and attempt to move through life with better intentions toward others and ourselves. Every mistake, regret, and wrong turn is a lesson on how to live more fully, or as Henry David Thoreau wrote,“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.”
“The only way to learn is to live.” Matt Haig, The Midnight Library