“Growing into one’s personal power does not happen overnight. It is an evolutionary process.” ~Cheryl A. Maloney
Women are expected to be smaller, quieter, demure. We are talked over, our ideas belittled. We are conditioned as little girls to always be polite, which in turn, relinquishes our power.
As I’ve aged, especially navigating my 60s, I am becoming more aware of programming, the systemic head game most women have been fed by society. Be pretty. Be nice. Always smile. Take care of others before ourselves. Make the coffee. Sacrifice. Don’t cry. Be soft. Don’t make a scene. Shrink. Shrink some more. Always say “Sorry.” And yes, America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie should have been a rallying call yet we still step back, scrunch over, and accept this fate.
In Ted Lasso, Rebecca shows how she becomes big. She takes her impressive frame down, rises with her arms wide, and hisses as though channeling Medusa. Viewers are aware of Rebecca’s insecurities despite her beauty and wealth, but watching her make herself big is a vital life skills lessons. Every day we must convince ourselves that we do not have to submit to our smallness. We can and will hiss with determination, confidence, and freaking rage.
I look back at my life and see many evolutions of who I was and what I have become. As a young adult, I did have a voice, never afraid to raise my hand and state an unpopular opinion, yet underneath I was scared of not being liked. Over the years that voice dimmed, ebbed and flowed into a type of submission. Retreating became a comfortable way to escape embarrassment and humiliation. I’m not even sure I realized I was stifling my muscle, allowing it to atrophy. Damn.
I have discovered, though, that age has gifted me confidence over my potential. That shy little girl with the pixie haircut has morphed into a graying old gal who wants to step into uncomfortable places, state her opinion, and perhaps piss off more than a few. I’m breathing fire and it will scorch.
I will not enter spaces or be around people that don’t welcome my energy, my fabulousness, my beautiful messiness. I will apologize for past digressions YET will not live these years forever carrying the weight of regrets.
Poet Nikita Gill wrote, “You have shed a thousand skins to become the woman you are today.”
Who am I today?
Brave, even when I’m afraid.
Loud, even when my voice squeaks.
Determined, even when I doubt everything.
Loving, even when I am raging at the world’s injustices.
Me. Christie. A woman who defies my labels, ready to make myself big. I am fucking amazing.
CeCe’s Musings is a reader-supported publication and will always be free to all who wish to read my rambling words. I also am honored and humbled if you monetarily support my writing. Thank you.
At the moment, though, CeCe’s Musings may only be viewed by subscribers. This is me taking care of me at the moment, not bending over but standing strong, making myself big.
Amazingly full of goodness and light. You are a woman warrior! 💪
Yes. You. Are.