Comparison: the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other - it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.
Envy: occurs when we want something that another person has.
Jealousy: is when we fear losing a relationship or a valued part of a relationship we already have.
~definitions from Brene Brown’s Atlas of the Heart
Major holidays often unearth rumblings of negative emotions. As I peruse social media, I’m small, comparing my life to others. “Well, look at that. All of her family is together. They have traditions that everyone respects.” I’m troll-like in my envy. “Wow, it sure would be nice to have everyone here today. I wish I could host an egg hunt with our grandchildren.” I’m nasty, jealous of what I do not have. “Why can’t we have that? Do they love their “other” family more? If we don’t gather on a regular basis, will they forget me?”
Yes, it is awful. I’m not proud of myself. Yet, I believe it is important to acknowledge these basic human behaviors, however appalling they may be. If I see them for what they are, then I may be able to send them on their way. “Okay, I’ve given you a sliver of my time. Now you can move on. Yes, I’m asking you leave the premises.” Is this always successful? Nope, because the little buggers keep invading, poking me with their dirty little digs. “You aren’t good enough. You aren’t loved enough. You just aren’t enough, damnit.”
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When I compare my life to others, especially through the filters of Instagram and Facebook, I am stealing from myself. I’m pilfering what I do possess, and instead gazing upon other “perfect” photos of other “perfect” families. Usually I choose to not look at social media around any holiday, especially the big ones, but this year, after spending Lent off Facebook, I jumped feet-first into the crappy comparison business. With each post of Easter clothes and baskets and dinners, I felt the envy rise. My monkey mind could not let go…until I said, “That. Is. Enough. You cannot and should not wallow in this endless pit of quicksand. It is not productive. Get your freaking joy back, girl!”
If I want to pursue happiness, I must un-invite Comparison, Envy, and Jealously to the table. They are rude guests, always complaining about what I’m serving. Instead, I prefer Joy, Wonder, and Gratitude, engaging conversationalists who ask intriguing questions and notice beauty in the everyday. They remind me to push away negative Nellies and instead focus on love, the deep and true love I hold in my crazy quilt heart for my husband and family and friends.
Oh, and the next holiday I’ll be off in my lovely little world, not peeping in on others. I’ll let them live their lives while I dance in mine.
Over the years, my husband and I have created our own traditions. On Easter we walk the botanical gardens and then brunch at a local establishment. They may not be typical, but they’re ours. And yes, we invited Joy, Wonder, and Gratitude to join us. Such charming guests.